Tuesday, 18 April 2017
Thursday, 6 April 2017
Chapter 8
Mum commented that I may be
having a 4th of July baby but that wasn't to be as I was in labour the rest of
the night. I did call Marc eventually as mum wasn't being a lot of help
and just sat in a chair watching the whole proceedings. Marc came and
held me still as I tried rolling on fit balls, sitting in the shower and
whatever else could be a natural remedy for my pain. Eventually I gave in and
used gas and early the next morning Mitchell was born.
I remember I had a share room and was walking up the hall to the toilet when I thought I heard Mitchell cry. A nurse stopped me half running up the hall and asked if I was ok. I must of looked a wreck and said, 'no, not really, I have been awake in labour all night', I confided, close to tears. She came back with me and I fed Mitchell then she took him to the nursery for the next three hours so I could sleep. That was the longest sleep I would really have for the next 5 months.
The next day a nurse came in to check on me and my stitches. I began to cry and she asked if she was hurting me. I said no, but I was just upset about things. She told me she could send a councillor before I left.
The main reason I was upset was that an hour earlier I'd had my first visitors, two police officers. They explained to me that there had been a scuffle in the cafe downstairs between my mother, her boyfriend and my 'boyfriend'. The police were called and they needed to ask me some questions. I couldn't believe what was going on. I wanted the ground to suck me up so I could disappear, but I now had brought a little life into all this and I was feeling very overwhelmed by the responsibility and annoyed with myself for being in this position.
I remember I had a share room and was walking up the hall to the toilet when I thought I heard Mitchell cry. A nurse stopped me half running up the hall and asked if I was ok. I must of looked a wreck and said, 'no, not really, I have been awake in labour all night', I confided, close to tears. She came back with me and I fed Mitchell then she took him to the nursery for the next three hours so I could sleep. That was the longest sleep I would really have for the next 5 months.
The next day a nurse came in to check on me and my stitches. I began to cry and she asked if she was hurting me. I said no, but I was just upset about things. She told me she could send a councillor before I left.
The main reason I was upset was that an hour earlier I'd had my first visitors, two police officers. They explained to me that there had been a scuffle in the cafe downstairs between my mother, her boyfriend and my 'boyfriend'. The police were called and they needed to ask me some questions. I couldn't believe what was going on. I wanted the ground to suck me up so I could disappear, but I now had brought a little life into all this and I was feeling very overwhelmed by the responsibility and annoyed with myself for being in this position.
I stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks and was
even moved to a private room. Maybe the staff felt sorry for me and luckily
they had room. I did some classes on bathing and caring for babies and feeding
and was feeling a little more confident by the time I went home.
Chapter 7
The day I went into labour
with my son I remember quite clearly even though it was 22yrs ago now. I
remember it being in the evening I had a bag ready and as it small pain came
and went I would move to put more things in my bag to take. Marc had of
course made his way back to Adelaide and was staying with his sister. I
had seen him a couple of times but told him it was over and I was doing this by
myself. He didn't like the idea but wasn't pushing it. I rang my
mum at about 10pm when my contractions felt a bit stronger and she said her and
her boyfriend would be over soon to pick me up. As I was dragging my
suitcase out the front door the mother from the family living in the house saw
me and invited me to wait inside their place. I'd never been in there
before and as I walked in and saw the lovely antique style plush home I felt
out of place. She took me to a sitting room where a couple of young adults were
sitting who were about my age and sat me down to watch tv. They were
friendly enough but I could feel the awkwardness in the room and one girl asked
me if I was scared. I said yes but I was trying to be brave. Another girl
commented she couldn't imagine having a baby now at my age. I awkwardly
sat there knowing I was being judged but trying not to care. I could hear
banging on the door and I rose to leave as the group wished me luck.
Mums boyfriend drove to the hospital with my mum sitting in the passenger seat talking non- stop about her experience as a single mum to be with my older brother and how she had driven herself to the hospital. I heard it many times before and just wanted to arrive as soon as I could. When we got there I was monitored for a while and then told to go home for a while. This time mum took me back to hers. I got into bed after the 30 minute trip home and no sooner had my waters broke and I jumped out of bed to call mum. I waited for the next 20 minutes whilst mum got dressed and put lipstick on, which I commented wasn't really necessary! But mums answer was that she wanted to look nice in the photos! So off we went again.
Mums boyfriend drove to the hospital with my mum sitting in the passenger seat talking non- stop about her experience as a single mum to be with my older brother and how she had driven herself to the hospital. I heard it many times before and just wanted to arrive as soon as I could. When we got there I was monitored for a while and then told to go home for a while. This time mum took me back to hers. I got into bed after the 30 minute trip home and no sooner had my waters broke and I jumped out of bed to call mum. I waited for the next 20 minutes whilst mum got dressed and put lipstick on, which I commented wasn't really necessary! But mums answer was that she wanted to look nice in the photos! So off we went again.
6th chapter: domestic violence 3rd generation.
When she spoke to me, on the
other hand, she spoke of missing Sydney and considering coming up when I had
the baby. I told her it was up to her.
I continued to go to college until I was quite pregnant then Marc was having trouble at his job again and having problems with the manager. He started to take nights off and used the excuse he was looking after me. Meanwhile my mum was still planning on moving to Sydney. I wasn't sure how I felt about mum moving to Sydney so I contemplated moving back to Adelaide instead. I wasn't sure if I could get away from Marc safely but I was going to try. I told him that I wanted to go and visit my mum before the baby was born and he was ok with that. I flew down soon after and visited mum who was living in a town house in North Adelaide.
I continued to go to college until I was quite pregnant then Marc was having trouble at his job again and having problems with the manager. He started to take nights off and used the excuse he was looking after me. Meanwhile my mum was still planning on moving to Sydney. I wasn't sure how I felt about mum moving to Sydney so I contemplated moving back to Adelaide instead. I wasn't sure if I could get away from Marc safely but I was going to try. I told him that I wanted to go and visit my mum before the baby was born and he was ok with that. I flew down soon after and visited mum who was living in a town house in North Adelaide.
I had lunch with my friend Emily, who had been telling about all the
rumours mum had been spreading about me. I assured her they were not true
and I wasn't on drugs and she said that I seemed the same as I'd left but
pregnant, 'surprise, surprise!'.
After a week of relatively normal life as mother and daughter looking at baby clothes and furniture I was feeling like I didn't want to go back. Mum had recently met an Italian man who she was planning on moving in with and said I could have a room there too if I didn't want to go back. I took the offer and told Marc I was staying in Adelaide.
Of course he didn't take it too
well and said he would come and find me. I didn't speak to him for a
while and moved in with mum and her new boyfriend. After a week of relatively normal life as mother and daughter looking at baby clothes and furniture I was feeling like I didn't want to go back. Mum had recently met an Italian man who she was planning on moving in with and said I could have a room there too if I didn't want to go back. I took the offer and told Marc I was staying in Adelaide.
It was ok for a while, except one night when I admitted to mum that I had spoken to Marc and told him where I was having the baby. She was furious and her boyfriend shouted at me through the door to my room that I was an ungrateful 'so and so' and needed to realise what I had put my mum through and to stop being so selfish. I decided then I needed to get my own place. I didn't hate Marc and felt sorry for him still and didn't feel I needed to keep him from his child, just keep him away from myself. So I found a granny flat in Glenelg and moved in 2 weeks before my son was born and four weeks before my conversation with Ali that day.with me to start a fresh. At least then I thought I would be close to my dad if I needed help. My brother lived there too with his wife but we hadn't been in touch for a while and I'm sure mum had told him lots of exaggerated stories about me running away with a loser so I wouldn't be contacting him in a hurry.
Chapter 5. 3rd generation of domestic violence
The bouncer must have thought he looked like a trouble maker so turned him away. Marc started to argue. I tried pulling him away but the bouncer called him a name and mRc head butted him. Then it was all on and three other bouncers came out and tried to catch him as he ducked and weaved out towards the road. In the scuffle I was pushed out of the way and knew I should stand back being pregnant. This made Marc more angry and he threw punches everywhere until the four bouncers held him down and he gave up. The police were called and down the police station we went. I stood outside whilst Marc was probably charged inside, I don't know. I think I didn't want to really know I just wanted to go home. They let him go because he was sober I suppose and we got a cab home.
The next day I wasn't talking to him which made him more angry. I was laying on the bed and he slapped my leg. This was the first time he'd hit me. I was angry and got up to leave. He held the door shit as I pushed the other way. My thumb got caught and I screamed. Blood shot out of my thumb and Marc told me I deserved it. I stopped the bleeding and called a cab to the doctors.
The next day I wasn't talking to him which made him more angry. I was laying on the bed and he slapped my leg. This was the first time he'd hit me. I was angry and got up to leave. He held the door shit as I pushed the other way. My thumb got caught and I screamed. Blood shot out of my thumb and Marc told me I deserved it. I stopped the bleeding and called a cab to the doctors.
Whilst waiting for the doctor I threw up from the shock possibly. I even remember that it tasted of the banana that I had eaten earlier. I was worried about the baby at this time and the trauma that may be going through to the growing fetus. I'd been reading about the babies development each month and I was about 10 weeks I thought. I had earlier decided not to tell dad till about now and maybe my mum. Whilst I was still waiting Marc turned up at the doctors he'd run all the way and was puffed and sweaty and got a drink of water and sat next to me and pretended to be concerned. Marc continued to work late at night and sleep half the day. I would go swimming at the local indoor pool to keep fit and try to take my mind off things. I also started college that summer and travelled back and forth to college a few days a week. I suppose I didn't look very pregnant yet as I more often than not had to stand up most of the hour trip home. I told my dad on coming to Sydney that I was pregnant and his relation was predictably noncommittal and caring at the same time. He said, "are you happy?" And having Marc standing beside me listening to every word, I answered 'yes' so that is all he wanted to know and he was happy for me.
I rang my mother also and her reaction was somewhat different, but for some reason at that age I was surprised by her reaction. Which was, 'what is it a boy or a girl'. I said I'd found out it was a boy and she replied, "oh well" and that was that.
I had kept in contact with Ali during this time by writing and another friend I had met through mum and some office work I had done in the past. This friend had told me mum was telling everyone I was on drugs and slumming it with a loser, barefoot and pregnant in Sydney
I had kept in contact with Ali during this time by writing and another friend I had met through mum and some office work I had done in the past. This friend had told me mum was telling everyone I was on drugs and slumming it with a loser, barefoot and pregnant in Sydney
Chapter 4. 3rd generation of domestic violence
Marc wanted to go to the pub to celebrate. I wasn't really in the mood but I went along and had a mock tail. I had to think what I was going to do. Was I to stay with this obviously mixed up man and settle for the uneasy atmosphere and uncertain future with him or make a run for it whilst I still could and consider my options at my dads. I stayed and over the next few weeks the honeymoon period started again with Marc being happy and caring and planning a move to Sydney with me to start a fresh. At least then I thought I would be close to my dad if I needed help. My brother lived there too with his wife but we hadn't been in touch for a while and I'm sure mum had told him lots of exaggerated stories about me running away with a loser so I wouldn't be contacting him in a hurry.
We packed up and with a small loan from my dad set up home in collaroy near the beach in a small unit. Again I signed up for college in crows nest. Marc got a job at the cinemas at hoytes in the city. Life was ok for awhile until Marc would drink on the weekends and want to go out locally and would again be out all hours as I didn't want to go with my growing pregnant belly. One night I did go and Marc was wearing a bandana, which was not really the look on the north shore at the time and things went bad. I told him he probably wouldn't get in but he didn't listen.
We packed up and with a small loan from my dad set up home in collaroy near the beach in a small unit. Again I signed up for college in crows nest. Marc got a job at the cinemas at hoytes in the city. Life was ok for awhile until Marc would drink on the weekends and want to go out locally and would again be out all hours as I didn't want to go with my growing pregnant belly. One night I did go and Marc was wearing a bandana, which was not really the look on the north shore at the time and things went bad. I told him he probably wouldn't get in but he didn't listen.
Digital nutrition for your kids
Digital nutrition is the new 'catch phrase' for the way we think about our technology habits, including our childrens. It compares our nutrition habits with our digital habits.
There are 'Games for growth' out there for our children. As you can imagine they are not violent games that are usually not age appropriate for our kids anyway.
A study conducted by the Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology tested over 12,000 Australian 15 yr olds in maths, reading, science and compared the results with internet usage and time spent playing video games. They found that excessive internet use was linked to poorer academic results. The main culprits were however, not games but facebook and instagram. Games involving problem solving, like puzzles before going to the next level, like Minecraft actually assisted students to apply knowledge that they had learnt in school, like reading and sharpen their skills in these areas. The study even went as far as suggesting schools continue to use video games for educational purposes.
Other research suggests that it's the total sum of the positive elements of the game, over-riding any negative elements that counts. Social skills and other skills can be learnt on some of the better games. The 'better' video games were also found to be age appropriate and helping children with spelling and maths, social behaviour that spilled over into long term habits off the screen. Those that reward pro-social behaviour have been found to be the most effective in helping kids socially.
Research has also found that playing video games can assist in coping with illness, pain and treatment for children. . Phillips even have an app. Called sonic - toothbrush- reminding children to brush their teeth twice a day.!
Children with Autism can particularly benefit from the social skills learning element.
Other elements to look out for are ones that encourage language skills and are interactive, involve decision mAking and again lead to long term habits off the screen.
Nevertheless, Whatever your kids are playing or engaging in socially needs supervision and monitoring. We can also role-model a balanced approach and using technology for 'meaningful' purposes.
What to look for in the 'on-line supermarket' of Digital Nutrition:
# games that encourage elements of play. Are they learning through discovery and role play?
# does the game have an element of creativity? Engagement that involves problem solving and imagination put into practice.
# look for apps, games and digital activities that encourage pro-social behaviours like empathy. They may have elements of presenting alternative perspectives and story lines.
# we don't need whole family 'digital detoxes' which can overly upset everyone, but we do need to keep connected as a family in other ways. It's about balance, just like a healthy way of eating.
References: USC University of Southern California. International Journal of Communication. Internet usage and Educational Outcomes Among 15 yr. old Australian Students. (2016). Brewer. J. Digital nutrition.com.au 'Introducing Virtual Vitamins' 01/02/17. (Accessed 05/04/17).
Wednesday, 5 April 2017
Chapter 3- 3rd generation of domestic violence
Daughters story.
One day I told Marc I had run out of the pill, he said he had no money to buy it for me and unfortunately neither did I so I bought condoms and insisted he wear them. Well something went wrong there as I was feeling sick one night and got up to go to the toilet and fainted in the bathroom. I came too with mArc hovering over me teArily calling my name and holding me tight. He carried me to the bed and I assured him I was ok and had just fainted. I'd fainted before in my life when dehydrated or stressed. I hadn't really been eating properly either and was getting pretty thin so thought I just needed to eat more.
A week or two went by and one night Marc came home and couldn't get his key in the door. I had been feeling a bit sick and dragged myself to the door. Marc was pAle white in colour and just fell into the doorway. I tried to wake him but he wasn't really responding. I was about to ring an ambulance but he called out no to me and began dribbling a lot of nothing and smiling and laughing about something he had taken that wasn't mKing him feel right. I shook my head and walked off. He sleep there in the doorway. I'd had pretty much enough of Marc and his irresponsible behaviour and angry outbursts by now and this was like the final straw for me. I wanted to secretly get on a train and ask my dad to stay a while. The next day Marc stayed in bed and didn't manage to get to work. I went to the train station and looked up times for trains leaving the next morning.
I woke in the morning vomiting again and thought I best go to the doctors first to get something before travelling. I was concerned Marc may follow me to Sydney and I didn't want to bring my problems to dad but I felt I didn't have much choice. At the doctors, the male doctor asked if I considered I may pregnant. Silly, naive me was shocked again and told him no as we had been using condoms. He asked me to have anyway. I prob. Was a week late but I'd been stressed so figured maybe that was it. I took the test and sat in the room with the test on the doctors table and was again shocked when he said that it was positive and I would need to take a blood test too, to confirm. I felt dizzy and sick again. My first thoughts were that I would never get away from Marc now. I wanted the ground to swallow me up. But as I walked out Marc was standing there outside saying he was looking for me and he'd heard me vomiting so came to doctors. He asked me how I was and I just sAid nothing but looked into his concerned eyes, that were always showing a different feeling dAily. For some reason I told him that I was pregnant and he was ellated, which made me suspicious about the condoms and gave me a big hug. I stood there motionless not sure what to feel. Another young couple waiting looked at us and smiled. I faked a smile back and left with Marc.
Chapter 2: 3rd generation domestic violence
Daughters story:
One day he confided in me that he had a son who was 3yrs old.
That is why he had returned to Adelaide where I met him from the Northern Territory where he had been living with his dad and step mother for a short time. I was shocked but I tried to understand and believed it wasn't his fault that this girl fell pregnant.
It was getting closer to the new term starting at college and I knew I had to talk to Marc about our life in Byron bay long term or maybe moving to Sydney where college seemed easier to get to and my dad was living with my new step mum. Money was very tight and I felt I had no control over any of it. The pay checks would just disappear and soon we were given a eviction notice as rent was not paid. I told Marc I wanted the rent given to me each week to pay as I was so embarrassed. Next door a young couple lived and had just brought twins home. They were so cute and I thought it was lovely seeing them all out together on the weekends. I loved babies and small children but wasn't sure why as I had nothing to do with them growing up as there were no younger kids in our family bar me. I was steering towards wanting to study child care as my elective in community services. Marc continued to talk about having kids one day with me but I never really thought much of the idea yet. I wanted to be set up better and at least finish college. I learnt later that Marc's mother had left the family when Marc was young and I don't think he ever got over it. I feel this is why he would cling to women in his life and spoke of having a child with them just to secure their place with him.
One day he confided in me that he had a son who was 3yrs old.
That is why he had returned to Adelaide where I met him from the Northern Territory where he had been living with his dad and step mother for a short time. I was shocked but I tried to understand and believed it wasn't his fault that this girl fell pregnant.
It was getting closer to the new term starting at college and I knew I had to talk to Marc about our life in Byron bay long term or maybe moving to Sydney where college seemed easier to get to and my dad was living with my new step mum. Money was very tight and I felt I had no control over any of it. The pay checks would just disappear and soon we were given a eviction notice as rent was not paid. I told Marc I wanted the rent given to me each week to pay as I was so embarrassed. Next door a young couple lived and had just brought twins home. They were so cute and I thought it was lovely seeing them all out together on the weekends. I loved babies and small children but wasn't sure why as I had nothing to do with them growing up as there were no younger kids in our family bar me. I was steering towards wanting to study child care as my elective in community services. Marc continued to talk about having kids one day with me but I never really thought much of the idea yet. I wanted to be set up better and at least finish college. I learnt later that Marc's mother had left the family when Marc was young and I don't think he ever got over it. I feel this is why he would cling to women in his life and spoke of having a child with them just to secure their place with him.
Tuesday, 4 April 2017
mindfulness for you and your children
RACTICING MINDFULNESS
BY TRACEY MACLAY
Posted April 5 2017 |
Mindfulness and breathing techniques have helped me and my students better understand our thoughts and emotions, and how they are chemically based. Our thoughts dictate our actions, and with practice, we can learn to monitor our thoughts better.
Growing up, I knew no other way to process my thoughts and feelings, except to act, more often than not, with my fight-or-flight response. I was being controlled by a tiny gland at the base of my skull called the amygdala. I would run from situations I felt slightly uncomfortable in or I would fight it verbally. No winners there, obviously.
I have since learned better ways to deal with my emotions through yoga. You can do the same and pass it on to your kids. With this understanding, they will hopefully be better equipped to face challenges and better control negative thoughts and unhelpful ways of dealing with stress. They are, after all, just part of life.
Read: Start ’em young: easy yoga for kids 4 and up
Here are 5 reasons to practice mindfulness for yourself and with your children:
We practice mindfulness in order to have contentment. If you are not content within yourself, nothing will ever be right in your life.
We are hardwired since our creation to be on alert for bad things to happen and we hold on to these lessons, so we can avoid them again in the future. This has enabled us as a species to survive.
However, we need to understand that this is a built-in ability that we don’t need anymore, and in fact could be damaging to us. We no longer have to be on such a high alert like we were during our cave-dwelling days — it causes us to overreact to anything we might perceive as a threat.
Being on high alert can be exhausting, too. Getting stuck in this mindset makes it harder to see the positive. If left on autopilot, we will never find peace.
Physically, the mindset takes it toll as well. High stress levels cause inflammation, which causes all sorts of diseases.
Read: Common causes of anxiety in children
Unfortunately, many of us will continue to tell ourselves we are hard done by and play the victim. We tell anyone who will listen all the stored up negative things that have happened to us, and completely forget all the positives.
We need to work on storing up some positives by maybe having gratitude for what we do have and enjoy in life. Give your family and friends a break from hearing about your hard day and invite them to enjoy life with you.
Here are things to keep in mind and practice for better mental and physical health:
So get crafty, breathe, focus on the good, let go of resentment, live in the moment, and exercise. Most importantly, encourage the same in your children.
References: Black, A. The Little Pocket Book of Mindfulness. 2012.Cico Books, London, New York.
# If you’d like to learn more please join one of my classes for kids, workshops or teacher training.
BY TRACEY MACLAY
Posted April 5 2017 |
Mindfulness and breathing techniques have helped me and my students better understand our thoughts and emotions, and how they are chemically based. Our thoughts dictate our actions, and with practice, we can learn to monitor our thoughts better.
Growing up, I knew no other way to process my thoughts and feelings, except to act, more often than not, with my fight-or-flight response. I was being controlled by a tiny gland at the base of my skull called the amygdala. I would run from situations I felt slightly uncomfortable in or I would fight it verbally. No winners there, obviously.
I have since learned better ways to deal with my emotions through yoga. You can do the same and pass it on to your kids. With this understanding, they will hopefully be better equipped to face challenges and better control negative thoughts and unhelpful ways of dealing with stress. They are, after all, just part of life.
Read: Start ’em young: easy yoga for kids 4 and up
Here are 5 reasons to practice mindfulness for yourself and with your children:
We practice mindfulness in order to have contentment. If you are not content within yourself, nothing will ever be right in your life.
We are hardwired since our creation to be on alert for bad things to happen and we hold on to these lessons, so we can avoid them again in the future. This has enabled us as a species to survive.
However, we need to understand that this is a built-in ability that we don’t need anymore, and in fact could be damaging to us. We no longer have to be on such a high alert like we were during our cave-dwelling days — it causes us to overreact to anything we might perceive as a threat.
Being on high alert can be exhausting, too. Getting stuck in this mindset makes it harder to see the positive. If left on autopilot, we will never find peace.
Physically, the mindset takes it toll as well. High stress levels cause inflammation, which causes all sorts of diseases.
Read: Common causes of anxiety in children
Unfortunately, many of us will continue to tell ourselves we are hard done by and play the victim. We tell anyone who will listen all the stored up negative things that have happened to us, and completely forget all the positives.
We need to work on storing up some positives by maybe having gratitude for what we do have and enjoy in life. Give your family and friends a break from hearing about your hard day and invite them to enjoy life with you.
Here are things to keep in mind and practice for better mental and physical health:
So get crafty, breathe, focus on the good, let go of resentment, live in the moment, and exercise. Most importantly, encourage the same in your children.
References: Black, A. The Little Pocket Book of Mindfulness. 2012.Cico Books, London, New York.
# If you’d like to learn more please join one of my classes for kids, workshops or teacher training.
Saturday, 1 April 2017
Get out of your negative headspace
Understand your thought processes to have a better mindset.
If you are not content within yourself nothing will ever be right in your life.
We are hard wired since our creation to be on alert for bad things to happen and we hold onto them so we can avoid them again in the future. That's what has helped our survival since our beginning as humans, but we need to understand that this is an in built ability that we don't really need to hold onto these days. We don't have to be on as high alert as we were in the cave man days and this crosses over to our reaction to things in life also. We can overreact to what our mind perceives as a threat to us and react with our fight or flight response. This is from a tiny gland at the base of our skull called the amygdala. This is what kept us safe millions of years ago from predators. We don't need to react this way as much now and it is time to settle our brains. Being on high alert all the time sets us of on a bad negative path, where we perceive threats when there really isn't any and we give up to easily or fight or worse yet, come in straight away with our guard up and not open to anyone's point of view. Another negative outcome of working from the negative reactions that we are stuck in is that we can't see anything as positive anymore. We get around on auto-pilot of always reacting the same way and never finding peace whether we fight or take off from the perceived threat without trying to work around it. We tell ourselves we are hard done by and play the victim and we tell everyone who will listen all the stored up negative stuff that has happened to us, not storing up any small positives. We need to remember why we were made with these responses and that they once helped us survive in a harsh world and we could draw upon all the negative stuff we had remembered to keep us safe in the future. But we are not cave men and women anymore and we now can afford to store up some positives. So work on storing up some positives by maybe having done gratitude for what you do have and enjoy in your life. Give your friends and family a break from hearing about your hard day after day after day. Because it doesn't matter where you run to with your 'flight' response or weather you stay and fight you will ultimately never be happy until you find happiness within yourself and only yourself.
If you are not content within yourself nothing will ever be right in your life.
We are hard wired since our creation to be on alert for bad things to happen and we hold onto them so we can avoid them again in the future. That's what has helped our survival since our beginning as humans, but we need to understand that this is an in built ability that we don't really need to hold onto these days. We don't have to be on as high alert as we were in the cave man days and this crosses over to our reaction to things in life also. We can overreact to what our mind perceives as a threat to us and react with our fight or flight response. This is from a tiny gland at the base of our skull called the amygdala. This is what kept us safe millions of years ago from predators. We don't need to react this way as much now and it is time to settle our brains. Being on high alert all the time sets us of on a bad negative path, where we perceive threats when there really isn't any and we give up to easily or fight or worse yet, come in straight away with our guard up and not open to anyone's point of view. Another negative outcome of working from the negative reactions that we are stuck in is that we can't see anything as positive anymore. We get around on auto-pilot of always reacting the same way and never finding peace whether we fight or take off from the perceived threat without trying to work around it. We tell ourselves we are hard done by and play the victim and we tell everyone who will listen all the stored up negative stuff that has happened to us, not storing up any small positives. We need to remember why we were made with these responses and that they once helped us survive in a harsh world and we could draw upon all the negative stuff we had remembered to keep us safe in the future. But we are not cave men and women anymore and we now can afford to store up some positives. So work on storing up some positives by maybe having done gratitude for what you do have and enjoy in your life. Give your friends and family a break from hearing about your hard day after day after day. Because it doesn't matter where you run to with your 'flight' response or weather you stay and fight you will ultimately never be happy until you find happiness within yourself and only yourself.
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