Chapter 3- 3rd generation of domestic violence

Daughters story. 


One day I told Marc I had run out of the pill, he said he had no money to buy it for me and unfortunately neither did I so I bought condoms and insisted he wear them.  Well something went wrong there as I was feeling sick one night and got up to go to the toilet and fainted in the bathroom. I came too with mArc hovering over me teArily calling my name and holding me tight. He carried me to the bed and I assured him I was ok and had just fainted. I'd fainted before in my life when dehydrated or stressed. I hadn't really been eating properly either and was getting pretty thin so thought I just needed to eat more.  

A week or two went by and one night Marc came home and couldn't get his key in the door.  I had been feeling a bit sick and dragged myself to the door. Marc was pAle white in colour and just fell into the doorway.  I tried to wake him but he wasn't really responding. I was about to ring an ambulance but he called out no to me and began dribbling a lot of nothing and smiling and laughing about something he had taken that wasn't mKing him feel right. I shook my head and walked off. He sleep there in the doorway.  I'd had pretty much enough of Marc and his irresponsible behaviour and angry outbursts by now and this was like the final straw for me. I wanted to secretly get on a train and ask my dad to stay a while. The next day Marc stayed in bed and didn't manage to get to work. I went to the train station and looked up times for trains leaving the next morning.  

I woke in the morning vomiting again and thought I best go to the doctors first to get something before travelling. I was concerned Marc may follow me to Sydney and I didn't want to bring my problems to dad but I felt I didn't have much choice.  At the doctors, the male doctor asked if I considered I may pregnant. Silly, naive me was shocked again and told him no as we had been using condoms.  He asked me to have anyway. I prob. Was a week late but I'd been stressed so figured maybe that was it.  I took the test and sat in the room with the test on the doctors table and was again shocked when he said that it was positive and I would need to take a blood test too, to confirm.  I felt dizzy and sick again.  My first thoughts were that I would never get away from Marc now.  I wanted the ground to swallow me up. But as I walked out Marc was standing there outside saying he was looking for me and he'd heard me vomiting so came to doctors. He asked me how I was and I just sAid nothing but looked into his concerned eyes, that were always showing a different feeling dAily.  For some reason I told him that I was pregnant and he was ellated, which made me suspicious about the condoms and gave me a big hug. I stood there motionless not sure what to feel. Another young couple waiting looked at us and smiled. I faked a smile back and left with Marc. 

Chapter 2: 3rd generation domestic violence

Daughters story: 
 One day he confided in me that he had a son who was 3yrs old.

That is why he had returned to Adelaide where I met him from the Northern Territory where he had been living with his dad and step mother for a short time.  I was shocked but I tried to understand and believed it wasn't his fault that this girl fell pregnant.
It was getting closer to the new term starting at college and I knew I had to talk to Marc about our life in Byron bay long term or maybe moving to Sydney where college seemed easier to get to and my dad was living with my new step mum.  Money was very tight and I felt I had no control over any of it. The pay checks would just disappear and soon we were given a eviction notice as rent was not paid. I told Marc I wanted the rent given to me each week to pay as I was so embarrassed.  Next door a young couple lived and had just brought twins home.  They were so cute and I thought it was lovely seeing them all out together on the weekends. I loved babies and small children but wasn't sure why as I had nothing to do with them growing up as there were no younger kids in our family bar me.  I was steering towards wanting to study child care as my elective in community services.  Marc continued to talk about having kids one day with me but I never really thought much of the idea yet. I wanted to be set up better and at least finish college.  I learnt later that Marc's mother had left the family when Marc was young and I don't think he ever got over it. I feel this is why he would cling to women in his life and spoke of having a child with them just to secure their place with him.

mindfulness for you and your children

RACTICING MINDFULNESS
BY TRACEY MACLAY
Posted  April 5 2017 |

Mindfulness and breathing techniques have helped me and my students better understand our thoughts and emotions, and how they are chemically based. Our thoughts dictate our actions, and with practice, we can learn to monitor our thoughts better.
Growing up, I knew no other way to process my thoughts and feelings, except to act, more often than not, with my fight-or-flight response. I was being controlled by a tiny gland at the base of my skull called the amygdala. I would run from situations I felt slightly uncomfortable in or I would fight it verbally. No winners there, obviously.
I have since learned better ways to deal with my emotions through yoga. You can do the same and pass it on to your kids. With this understanding, they will hopefully be better equipped to face challenges and better control negative thoughts and unhelpful ways of dealing with stress. They are, after all, just part of life.
Read: Start ’em young: easy yoga for kids 4 and up
Here are 5 reasons to practice mindfulness for yourself and with your children:

• >> Mindfulness switches the nervous system over to a more calm state and stress affects the emotions less. Therefore, anxiety is reduced.
• >> With cognitive control, we have a better chance of being able to focus or concentrate (and therefore be more productive).
• >> With a calmer state of mind, we react less with aggression and more with compassion.
• >> We are better aware of our bodies’ reactions to stress and can monitor our feelings, the better to adapt to change.
• >> Our relationships and health improve over time as we learn to let go of the negative thoughts and really listen to others.

We practice mindfulness in order to have contentment. If you are not content within yourself, nothing will ever be right in your life.
We are hardwired since our creation to be on alert for bad things to happen and we hold on to these lessons, so we can avoid them again in the future. This has enabled us as a species to survive.
However, we need to understand that this is a built-in ability that we don’t need anymore, and in fact could be damaging to us. We no longer have to be on such a high alert like we were during our cave-dwelling days — it causes us to overreact to anything we might perceive as a threat.
Being on high alert can be exhausting, too. Getting stuck in this mindset makes it harder to see the positive. If left on autopilot, we will never find peace.
Physically, the mindset takes it toll as well. High stress levels cause inflammation, which causes all sorts of diseases.
Read: Common causes of anxiety in children
Unfortunately, many of us will continue to tell ourselves we are hard done by and play the victim. We tell anyone who will listen all the stored up negative things that have happened to us, and completely forget all the positives.
We need to work on storing up some positives by maybe having gratitude for what we do have and enjoy in life. Give your family and friends a break from hearing about your hard day and invite them to enjoy life with you.
Here are things to keep in mind and practice for better mental and physical health:

• >> Think of things you are grateful for every day. Studies have found that regular grateful thinking can increase happiness by as much as 25 percent.
• >> Exercise regularly. Just going for a walk can elevate your mood and increase feelings of wellbeing.
• >> Remember that we are essentially programmed to see and remember the bad things as a survival tool. And then, remember that this is no longer necessary, and that you can start thinking about the good things instead.
• >> Craft and colouring activities can help with anxiety and depression and are a form of mindfulness, which helps shift unhelpful thoughts and can even help sleep (calms the amygdala that I mentioned earlier).

So get crafty, breathe, focus on the good, let go of resentment, live in the moment, and exercise. Most importantly, encourage the same in your children.
References: Black, A. The Little Pocket Book of Mindfulness. 2012.Cico Books, London, New York.
# If you’d like to learn more please join one of my classes for kids, workshops or teacher training.

Get out of your negative headspace

Understand your thought processes to have a better mindset.
If you are not content within yourself nothing will ever be right in your life.
We are hard wired since our creation to be on alert for bad things to happen and we hold onto them so we can avoid them again in the future.  That's what has helped our survival since our beginning as humans, but we need to understand that this is an in built ability that we don't really need to hold onto these days.  We don't have to be on as high alert as we were in the cave man days and this crosses over to our reaction to things in life also.  We can overreact to what our mind perceives as a threat to us and react with our fight or flight response.  This is from a tiny gland at the base of our skull called the amygdala.  This is what kept us safe millions of years ago from predators.  We don't need to react this way as much now and it is time to settle our brains.  Being on high alert all the time sets us of on a bad negative path, where we perceive threats when there really isn't any and we give up to easily or fight or worse yet, come in straight away with our guard up and not open to anyone's point of view.  Another negative outcome of working from the negative reactions that we are stuck in is that we can't see anything as positive anymore. We get around on auto-pilot of always reacting the same way and never finding peace whether we fight or take off from the perceived threat without trying to work around it.  We tell ourselves we are hard done by and play the victim and we tell everyone who will listen all the stored up negative stuff that has happened to us, not storing up any small positives.  We need to remember why we were made with these responses and that they once helped us survive in a harsh world and we could draw upon all the negative stuff we had remembered to keep us safe in the future. But we are not cave men and women anymore and we now can afford to store up some positives.  So work on storing up some positives by maybe having done gratitude for what you do have and enjoy in your life.  Give your friends and family a break from hearing about your hard day after day after day.  Because it doesn't matter where you run to with your 'flight' response or weather you stay and fight you will ultimately never be happy until you find happiness within yourself and only yourself.

Take on board some reality checks to bring yourself peace.

Things you may not know but might change your reality.... to practice for better health.
1. Thinking of things you are grateful for everyday ( regular grateful thinking can increase happiness by as much 25 per cent).
2. Exercising regularly- just going for a walk can elevate your mood and increase feelings of well-being.
3. We are essentially programmed to see and remember the bad things that happen as that is how we have survived by being able to recognise what is something to avoid again since we lived with danger everyday as cave men and women. We can change this by focusing and remembering the good.
4. We are also hard wired to hang onto resentment, which is also a primal fighting response as we are hard wired to fight to protect ourselves from hurt and danger and internalise it to continue the protection.
5. Craft and colouring activities can help with anxiety and depression and are a form of mindfulness, which helps shift unhelpful thoughts and can even help sleep. (Calms the 'amygdala' that I mentioned in a previous post).

So get crafty, breathe, focus on the good, let go of resentment, and exercise.

Get to know your 'amydala' response

Mindfulness and breathing techniques has helped myself and my students better understand their emotions and how they are chemically based. With practice we can all learn to monitor our thoughts better. Growing up I knew no other way to process my thoughts and feelings except to act more than not with my fight or flight response. Working from a tiny gland at the base of the skull called the 'amygdala'. I would run from situations I felt slightly uncomfortable in or I would fight it verbally. No winners there obviously. Since learning better ways through yoga I wish to pass this onto the younger generation and hopefully with this understanding and mindfulness they will be better equipped to face challenges (as they are just part of life) and better control negative thoughts and unhelpful ways of dealing with stress. So if you'd like to learn more please join one of my classes for kids, workshops or teacher training.

Peace be with you. 

nutrition and exercise for young children

Importance of Nutrition and Exercise

 One in four children in Austalia are now classed as obese!

Exercise is vital for children’s development and lays the foundation for an active and healthy life.

Encouraging good eating habits and eating healthy options helps children grow strong and maintain a healthy weight.

Calcium is particularly important for children’s growing bones.  Healthy growth takes place with proper nutrition in childhood and influences growth and health through to adolescence.  Most children have formed lifelong eating habits by school age.  A low fat and cholesterol diet on a daily basis also promotes good health in children and in the long term.

Importance of fundamental skills.

From 4-yrs of age are the best time to develop these gross motor and fine motor skills, as children of this age have the neurological &  ability to develop skills.

Practising running, balancing, jumping in early childhood assists children to be better able to actively enjoy an active lifestyle later in life.  Involvement in exercise and motor skill development programs have shown to develop self- esteem and confidence associated with in other areas of children’s education. 

‘Nonlocomotor’ or body management skills are those that involve bending, stretching, pushing and pulling, twisting and turning, balancing and rolling.  So get your kids involved in forms of exercise that involve these fundamental skills to encourage a long term interest in maintaining a healthy lifestyle and possibly developing specialised skills in their chosen sport in the future.

Top tips for kids’ yoga participation:

Yoga assists in development of fine and gross motor skills and building strong bones and muscles.

A small healthy snack before yoga can help to giver energy and improve their cardiovascular fitness outcomes.

Weight-bearing exercises in which children carry their own body weight, such as upward facing dog, plank, tree pose, warrior poses all have a positive impact on a child’s bone development.

As their bones are still developing, avoid too much high impact asanas and holding poses for two long.  The softness of the growth plates at the end of each growing bone can mean a greater risk of injury.  Short bouts of high impact asanas, such as jumping in ‘frog pose’ can promote bone growth in children. 

Ensure that your yoga session incorporates a variety of activities that use different muscle groups and body parts, for example; Move from frog jumping to dolphin pose to work on the upper body more.

Note: boys are more prone to growth plate injuries than girls, as their growth plates usually fuse at a later stage. 

Use a warm up of 5-10 minutes to assist injury prevention.  For example; bike peddling in the air (peddle laughing game). 

Work on strengthening alternate muscle groups as children get older. For example, do boat pose then a lower back strengthening asana for example, Locust pose in yoga.

Make it fun!  Play is the primary way young children learn and that includes learning about having a healthy active life. 

Kids sleep better after a work-out of any sort, so added bonus for parents!

Further reading: ‘Get up and Grow program’ Australia. 

Reference: ‘Too Much Too Quickly’ by Jeff Walkley (from the ACHPER Healthy Lifestyle Journal, 1995).