chapter 10-scared away

I settled into some kind of routine with my newborn and life was pretty calm.  I tried to look on the upside that Mitchell and I were healthy and life could only get better.  I was still frightened for his well-being all the time and rolled him in his pram everywhere I went so I could see him. Which wasn't hard in a one room flat!  I don't think I showered for the first three days as I didn't want to put him down.  I carried him in a pouch to the outside laundry and back and hung out the washing tha way too.
Marc called me from Alice Springs and said he was working.  I didn't care as I was glad it was peaceful.  One night mum came around to dinner and shared a story with me.  Mum liked to tell stories in a way that had an affect, so she'd kind of build it up as a massive secret and then spill the drama.  She told me that after I had complained about Marc's threats to her that she told her Italian boyfriend and he said he could, 'fix it'.
Apparently a few men had stopped Marc on his way home from my place in a park and had given him a warning in a very strong way that he ought to make himself scarce around me and Mitchell or he'd end up in hospital! Two broken legs I believe was one of the threats. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  I'd always been a pacifist and had only found my voice and unfortunately my anger since meeting Marc. Marc was viably agitated when he told me he was leaving the state. he left the next day. Of course I didn't miss him. I just got on with looking after my little one. I was very independent and took him for walks each day. One day a lady in a chemist said how 'clean' Mitchell was each time she had seen him. I knew why as I was pretty paranoid about him looking and smelling nice. He was and continues to be the love of my life. On one particular windy day in Glenelg, Adelaide we were walking along a path near the beach. I turned his pram around so I could keep the wind and cold out. Mitchell came down with a cold a few days latter and I was always s hard on myself if anything happened like this and blamed myself for walking him in the wind. Whilst Marc was away my mother suggested I move to Sydney as she wanted to move their closer to my brother and I should 'disappear' before Marc returned. I did as she said d and packed up again to move. I quickly found a granny flat to live in in Mona Vale. I was terribly lonely and a little depressed. Marc hadn't slept through in 6 months. I was exhausted. I joined a mother's group but felt left out as most mums were older and had bought a house and very secure it seemed. I didn't want pity on myself so I didn't say much. I met one younger mum I connected with and we spent some time together. One night I was feeling particularly sorry for myself and I rang Marc's sister for a chat. Mum hadn't arrived yet. She told me where Marc was and I was silly enough to contact him- 'just to say that we were ok' as I did feel guilty for diapoearing as I thought he had a right to see his son. Anyway, Marc was in MONA Vale within a week on my doirstep. I told mum what I had done as she was due any day and she was very angry. There was a lot of talk about, ' after all I've done for you' etched.