Parenting with a Buddha Heart 3

As a parent it is important to keep ourselves free from prejudice and judgement. We role model how to see the world in this way.  (Right view).  If we sow these seeds now we will see the results later. (karma). For example my 21yr old son teaches his younger sisters about prejudice and life lessons that I shared with him as he grew up. We need also to work on ourselves and our own self- development.  We can have good days and bad days as a parent. It's the hardest job in the world!  However we need always to move forward and forgive ourselves if we mess up occasionally and say sorry when we need to.  If our children see that we are committed to self development and mental self- improvement then they can see how learning and the power of intention can also help them in their growth as they grow older. (Right intention).  If you are feeling depressed seek help and educate yourself to built a stronger base to work as a parent from.  Work on understanding how you feel and why and the environment around you and be in touch with how it feels as you go about your day (mindfulness) . Children grow up so quickly and will remember when you were happy and sad and how you dealt with those times.

Buddha heart parenting and yoga. 2

Buddha heart parenting involves engaging in Buddhist wisdom. 

Principle: action based on awareness and driven by compassion.

Skills and strategies combined with compassion and wisdom.

Children don't act up to make you angry, they do it because of the way they feel.  Skilful action-  pali kulsala.  Skilful action has a technical and moral element.  Unskilful or inappropriate action comes from suffering.  If we look at this in our children then we can remain calm and choose a response.  Compassion and wisdom lie at the heart of Buddhist philosophy.  Idiot compassion is compassion without wisdom.  (Buddhist teacher).  The experience of mindfulness is one of clear alertness.  Mindfulness will bring inner peace and children will feel this from us and internalise it.  

Unmet needs are why children act inappropriately. 

 Partial reinforcement vs consistency.  Consistency always! 

Age appropriate expectations: 2-3yrs - egocentric, , I am the centre of the universe!'  No, no and no.  Autonomy vs mistrust

3-4- 'i can do it myself.  

4-8 more competitive. Boys physically have a surge in testosterone and have heaps of energy due to this.  

9-12 more aware of outside influences.

12- 17 peers are more important than anything.  Finding out 'who am I?'

Building inner confidence not external.  'I am proud of myself'.

Empathetic listening: can you remember how it felt to be a child?

 Can you remember what part you played in sibling order and in your family? Were you labelled?  How did that make you feel? 

Children can then become what they are told, self prophecy emerges this can set them up for hurt and low self esteem if they ever fail in that role or if it is negative, they can become that also. 

Using self expression. "I feel" not "you make me feel". You are in charge of your feelings not your children.  

Taking on the mood of others.  It's effects on family.  

Problem solving

Self discipline and ownership. 

Resilience.  What does it look like?  

Compassion for self.  

Trust in your intuition. Say sorry if you made a mistake. Forgive yourself.  

Yoga for the whole family! Reconnect to your inner child. 

Benefits: We are all part of the elements that made up the stars. The universal laws of nature has as its purpose to seek balance.  Chinese medicine talks about energy lines (meridians) and energy vortexes ( chakras) (Hindu) and how the human body is more than purely its chemistry.  It also includes our physical, mental and spiritual realms of existence. All our body systems are connected and although some asanas focus on different parts of the body, asanas also work the whole body. Understanding of anatomy helps yoga teachers be better at helping others in their yoga practice.  Our cells are unique to us.  'True health starts at the cellular level and yoga can prana and Apana helps Balance within the cellular level and the respiratory system is vital for balance between nourishment and toxin elimination.  Breathing oxygen in and carbon dioxide out.  The throat shakra being the key to Pranayana as you breath more deeply you oxygenate your blood which facilitates energy production and waste elimination.  The circulatory system carries this oxygenated blood around our systems.   Deep vein thrombosis and sluggish movement of blood back to the heart can be avoided with physical activity, including inversions, due to stimulating the circulatory system.  The Solar plexus chakra (the gut) is the hardest area to work on and relax.   Sahasrara ( crown chakra) :in the brain Pranayana can affect the nervous system and the third eye is a gateway to intuition.  The root Chakra and the sacral chakra relates to the reproductive system and are vital to human survival.   Our Muscles, bones and having a flexible spine and shoulder region are all important to feeling healthy and young.  Our joints and ligaments are also kept healthy and young by practising yoga.  Yoga teachers should take care to protect knee joints, lower back and necks of students when teaching.  

Other topics to be covered:  Meditation- mindfulness , sensibilities, self-esteem, chill skills.

There is a story that goes like this: 

Once upon a time, a student went to a great sage to ask about the meaning of life and how to attain the direct experience of the Highest.

He asked his question, but the sage gave no answer. He just sat there.

Again, the student asked about how to find and fulfill the Purpose of life. Again, the sage just sat there.

The student tried different words, and appealed with great emotion. The sage just sat there, as before.

Finally, the student became frustrated, and blurted out, in an angry tone, "Why don't you answer me!"

The sage smiled, and said, "I have been answering you, but you were not listening. The answer you are looking for is to be found only in Silence."

To sit in stillness and silence for even a few minutes each day is a very useful thing to do.

May you find that silence which leads to Silence.

Swami Jnaneshvara

Buddhist wisdom and parenting

I'd like to share with you something I read back in 2007 when my children were little that helped a lot  and some things of have learnt from being a teacher and a mother.
Buddha heart parenting involves engaging in Buddhist wisdom. 

Principle: action based on awareness and driven by compassion.

Skills and strategies combined with compassion and wisdom.

Children don't act up to make you angry, they do it because of the way they feel.  Skilful action-  pali kulsala.  Skilful action has a technical and moral element.  Unskilful or inappropriate action comes from suffering.  If we look at this in our children then we can remain calm and choose a response.  Compassion and wisdom lie at the heart of Buddhist philosophy.  Idiot compassion is compassion without wisdom.  (Buddhist teacher).  The experience of minfulness is one of clear alertness.  Mindfulness will bring inner peace and children will feel this from us and internalise it.  Unmet needs are usually behind why children act inappropriately.  Partial reinforcement vs consistency.  Age appropriate expectations.  Praise vs specific feedback. Building inner confidence not external all effect outcomes in parenting.  

Empathetic listening,

Using self expression.

Problem solving

Self discipline

Resilience.

Cause and effect.

Compassion for self.  These are all topics I will cover in the next few months and examples of how I have seen them in action.  

Yogamotorskills (yoga for kids)

Yoga journey

Journal-Today the yin class helped me to release into the hips and it did feel like there was a lifting in this area and related chakra- solar plexus and meridian opening up through to my spine. I felt I was letting go of past grudges and ways I felt about myself. I came out of it feeling more energised and less tense as a whole and felt today I could let go of thoughts that don't serve me and are not true to my joyous self or to others.

Yoga journey.

Journal- I have been practising short meditations working on my breathe and it has benefited my snisuses.  I have thought about what I say and speaking up more but making sure it is said without malice.  I have been saying mantra I accept myself I love myself for my confidence in my abilities. Today the arm inversions made me feel stronger and energised although a bit sore but that will ease.  I felt it would benefit me to do more so I can get energy through these meridians and feel strong and accomplish more.  

Children will teach you things

As my blog has in it's heading 'children will teach you things' , a great example occurred the other night when I complained to my 9 yr old daughter that I was looking old.  Her beautiful response was ( what I usually talk to them about!) was' just be grateful for who you are' . Bless her.