24/02/02
I'm getting spooked every night by cars racing up and down our winding street from a main road. They stop out the front a few houses up and rev up and back, rolling back and between yard next door and front of our yard. Then take off loudly around the corner. I took note of the type of car and colour.
25/02/02
10:30pm and 10:35 two cars went up and down the street loudly again. Will I ever sleep!
Its two days later and the nose of cars keep happening between 10pm and 1pm. I spoke to my neighbour across the road and she thinks house next door might be selling drugs. When we bought here a year after we married and settled in Queensland, Simon told me this was a good area, but I suppose this can happen anywhere. I just don't like being in house alone with my son with all this going on outside and not really having anyone to call. But I have made friends with lady across road so that is making me feel better.
( Six months later we found out that one of the 'Bali nine" drug traffickers lived around the corner, no wonder all the action every night. We had television crews parked out the front near our house for months.)
12/03/02
Mitchell and I fought this morning. I could not understand what he was asking for and I ascertained it was something about not wanting to take his pill at a certain time at school. I wrote him a note for Monday and he screamed at me that it wasn't right. I called him an idiot under my breathe and he came at me with fists. I held him and told him to calm down. I banned him from tv for a week. Later he apologised and so did I.
Mum rang and said she had left her job because she hated it., she will meet us in Sydney after all at my brother's at Easter. Mum also said someone ran into her open car door on the street and ripped it off almost. It was actually her boyfriend's car and he wasn't impressed. I think he drinks too much but I'm not sure.
Jarrod and my anniversary in a few weeks and it isn't easy to organise a babysitter.
01/04/02
My pa would have been a 100yrs old today so my mum tells me. He died 27 yrs ago when I was 3.
I tried to call Jarrod again as was feeling lonely with no family around. It was the third time since Wednesday and it is now Sunday. I can never speak to him when I need to, it's so frustrating. That's why I usually don't try and put him out of my mind to cope. I just wanted to tell him that Mitchell scored a goal at soccer on Saturday and that they won. I took Mitchell to psychologist last Monday and she told me his aggression and social problems are part of his ADD ( no news to me!) She said it could be under maturation of his brain. So she suggested we see her five to six more times and we will devise strategies to try and help him.
Mitchell would not go with Jarrod's mum Saturday night so I could go to a party with work friends.
He had a big outburst because it was a change of plans. I actually took him as he was hysterical but I said he was not going to his friend's house today.
Mitch and I had a good day today although I was grumpy to start and Mitch picked up on my feelings and became grouchy too. He asked what was wrong and I said honestly that I missed Jarrod. He was then better as he seemed to understand. He is sleeping in my bed tonight. I don't mind, he's still only 8yrs old, nine next month. I hope he doesn't move around a lot like last night and our dog doesn't bark half the night. He's fidgety now. We have an early start tomorrow as I'm on early shift at work ad he has to go to before school care.
13/02/02
Mitch was bored today and I felt a bit sick. Combination of too much of one thing probably. I had noodles for lunch and dinner, not good. I should start looking after myself. I threw up too. I finished a book in a week and that's a record for me. It was about a bored woman at home who has an affair. I think it just brings a bit of passion into my lonely life at the moment. No call from Jarrod and I haven't replied to his last email yet. I feel bad, but I have nothing to say. I must be up to the 'anger' stage of when men in the forces go away, especially when he volunteered, we really didn't need the money, but he loves it. Next stage is meant to be 'resolution' and I think, "the courageous acceptance of life".
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