Chapter 9. single Mum fun- not!

So I came home to my single room granny flat with a tiny kitchenette and outside laundry with my little baby boy. I had no idea what i was doing but i was determined to look after this little man as best i couid. The first soiled nappy was a big mess! Id been given clorh nappies as back then they were my preferred oprion for the environment in 1993. i didnt know how to clean it properly and it had gone through to his clothes, so i ended up putting it in a plastic bag and throwing it in the bin! I told myself the next day I would get disposable nappies also. I fed Mitchell it felt lije every hour that first night. The next day i got up and decoded to bath Mitchell on the kitchen table in a little plastic bath. He pooed in it and i didnt know what to do so I dressed him and put him in a pram and thought I'll deal with that when i get home. As i walkedup the street in Glenelg, South Australia my mum was coming along the road and was surprised to see me up amd our with Mitchell. I told her I was going to get didpisable nappies and i think she sad something like, "I told you so". That week Mitchell's father turned up at the door. He held Brandon and pkeaded for us to get babk together but i sad no. When he couldn't convince me he started to threaten to take him. I shouted back, "over my dead body!" and i stood in frontof the doorway. Over tye next few weeks he would turn up and once or twice I'd let him walk with us to the parkland and back and ge would usually just tell me how to look after Mitchell. After a few weeks mum offered I go out with a friend to the local hotel for a few hours whislt she wayched Mitchell. At the hotel I met a rather charasmatic, shortish guy who asked for my number before I left (we didnt stay libg as my boobs were going to explode and soon leK through the breadtfeeding pads!) I took the guys number instead. The bext day Mitchell's dad turned up and he noticed the number on a table and went into a rage, threatening to take Mitchell again. I managed to get him to leave by promising I wouldnt ring this guy. Mum knew tyat Mitchell's dad was still harrassing me and said she couldhelp me make a move bavk to sydney and then follow me up later. At this point mum was in a relationship with an Italian guy that was going nowhere, mostly due to his family amd mum being older than him. I told mum that I'd think about it. The next time Mitchell's father came to visit he told me he was leaving for Alice Springs where he'd grown up amd his dad still lived and that he had been offered work with his dad. I was surprised and a bit confused as he never had got along with his dad that well. i presummed he did that as I didn't hear from him for a long while after that. Many years later mum had told me that her Italian boyfriend had friends that had scared him away in a park one afternoon and threatened to break his legs or something if he didnt leave me alone, so that explained alot!

‘Real’ yoga

What should I be feeling in my yoga practice both during and following the class? 'Yoga is invigoration in relaxation. Freedom in routine. Confidence through self-control. Energy within and energy without.- Ymber Delecto. Sounds contradictory right? But it isn't, it just is! I often say to my students to hold firm the pose, but still relaxed. Some have asked, how can I do this? I give the instruction to soften your gaze, your face and shoulders as you still hold steady and firm in your pose. When you combine your breathing with your movement in yoga poses and take your mind inward towards your body and what it is doing, feeling and thinking, then you are doing yoga. When in poses like hip releasing postures, it is helpful to let go of your thoughts and stress within all parts of your body in order to feel the pose and muscles release more deeply. When you continue your practice without judgement for yourself or others then you are experiencing the side effects of practice and that is 'to let go,'and feel tranquility within and kindness towards yourself and others. When you continue to build strength, inwardly, you build strength within your character. Repeating this practice builds muscle memory and your mind also practices being mindful in the present moment, concentrating, persevering without judgement of yourself, which in turn becomes a habit that appears not only on your yoga mat, but in your outer daily life. Breathing properly, using a fuller lung capacity during your practice can improve your endurance, well-being and overall efficiency of your lung capacity. Furthermore, What you as an individual feel like in a pose is more important than what you look like. We are all biologically different, all have different physical body realities due to our genetics, our overall health, past injuries etc. Where you feel a stretch and how, is entirely unique to you and besides if we wish yoga to create great functionality in our body, then it should be about feeling something that seems to allow some release into your body, wherever that may be for you. As long as you feel safe and stable then that is the right way to hold a pose for you. Just coming to your mat and being aware of your own body and mind and breath that moment is sometimes enough. Learn to listen to your own bodies cues rather then just your teachers. Just as no way of learning suits everyone. No one way of doing yoga suits everyone either. Find 'yourself' on the mat - literally and physically. This is your time. References: Clarke, B. Your Body, Your Yoga. Yinyoga.com