Re-shaping my life- chapter 10

I wasn't one to sit atound and feel sorry for myself, well not outwardly anyway. Most mornings Id be up, have Mitchell dressed and go for a walk somewhere as i didnt have a car. I was close to the shops in Glenelg and the beach. It was pretty windy down by the beach and id try to cover the pram with a cloth to protect Mitchell from too much wind. Unfortunately, he must have got something blowing into his eyes and subsequently had conjuntiveitis, which was not an easy thing to treat in a small baby. How we berate ourselves for these things! blaming myself for anything and everything. It was quiet without the ex around. Mum was amazed by my resilience in getting on with the job. She came yo visit me on the second day i was home and she saw me walking the pram up to the shops and couidnt believe her eyes (I was on a mission to get disposable nappies). It was too hard struggling all the time with an outside laundry! I remember at the pharmacy a women behind the counter commented on how clean Mitchell looked all the time, that made my day. I eventually went out with a friend one night locally for a break. I had the biggest boobs Id ever had but also leaked through the pads fairly early on so had to go home. I did see a guy i used to date and he gave me his number. He wasn't really my type, a little feminine in his ways for me and my height, but had a good personality and smile. i wasn't looking anyway. I remember not too long afterwards my ex was back again and somehow found the number of the guy. Ofcourse he went off, as if he owned me. So ridiculous after my telling him it was over, but I suppose he still held hope. I wasnt sure how I was going to cope with his presence and anger outbursts. it was time for some big decisions. Meanwhile, mum was having problems with her partner and suggested i move to sydney and she follow. I found another granny flat in Monavale and was on my way. I got a job in a local hot food coffee shop called the 'chick in' lol that id ben visiting with Mitchell. The owner was a middle aged Greek guy who thought theyoung girl workingtheir was stealing from him so gave me a job. i had met a friend n pkaygroup and we took turns taking careof eavh others kids.

Chapter 9. single Mum fun- not!

So I came home to my single room granny flat with a tiny kitchenette and outside laundry with my little baby boy. I had no idea what i was doing but i was determined to look after this little man as best i couid. The first soiled nappy was a big mess! Id been given clorh nappies as back then they were my preferred oprion for the environment in 1993. i didnt know how to clean it properly and it had gone through to his clothes, so i ended up putting it in a plastic bag and throwing it in the bin! I told myself the next day I would get disposable nappies also. I fed Mitchell it felt lije every hour that first night. The next day i got up and decoded to bath Mitchell on the kitchen table in a little plastic bath. He pooed in it and i didnt know what to do so I dressed him and put him in a pram and thought I'll deal with that when i get home. As i walkedup the street in Glenelg, South Australia my mum was coming along the road and was surprised to see me up amd our with Mitchell. I told her I was going to get didpisable nappies and i think she sad something like, "I told you so". That week Mitchell's father turned up at the door. He held Brandon and pkeaded for us to get babk together but i sad no. When he couldn't convince me he started to threaten to take him. I shouted back, "over my dead body!" and i stood in frontof the doorway. Over tye next few weeks he would turn up and once or twice I'd let him walk with us to the parkland and back and ge would usually just tell me how to look after Mitchell. After a few weeks mum offered I go out with a friend to the local hotel for a few hours whislt she wayched Mitchell. At the hotel I met a rather charasmatic, shortish guy who asked for my number before I left (we didnt stay libg as my boobs were going to explode and soon leK through the breadtfeeding pads!) I took the guys number instead. The bext day Mitchell's dad turned up and he noticed the number on a table and went into a rage, threatening to take Mitchell again. I managed to get him to leave by promising I wouldnt ring this guy. Mum knew tyat Mitchell's dad was still harrassing me and said she couldhelp me make a move bavk to sydney and then follow me up later. At this point mum was in a relationship with an Italian guy that was going nowhere, mostly due to his family amd mum being older than him. I told mum that I'd think about it. The next time Mitchell's father came to visit he told me he was leaving for Alice Springs where he'd grown up amd his dad still lived and that he had been offered work with his dad. I was surprised and a bit confused as he never had got along with his dad that well. i presummed he did that as I didn't hear from him for a long while after that. Many years later mum had told me that her Italian boyfriend had friends that had scared him away in a park one afternoon and threatened to break his legs or something if he didnt leave me alone, so that explained alot!

‘Real’ yoga

What should I be feeling in my yoga practice both during and following the class? 'Yoga is invigoration in relaxation. Freedom in routine. Confidence through self-control. Energy within and energy without.- Ymber Delecto. Sounds contradictory right? But it isn't, it just is! I often say to my students to hold firm the pose, but still relaxed. Some have asked, how can I do this? I give the instruction to soften your gaze, your face and shoulders as you still hold steady and firm in your pose. When you combine your breathing with your movement in yoga poses and take your mind inward towards your body and what it is doing, feeling and thinking, then you are doing yoga. When in poses like hip releasing postures, it is helpful to let go of your thoughts and stress within all parts of your body in order to feel the pose and muscles release more deeply. When you continue your practice without judgement for yourself or others then you are experiencing the side effects of practice and that is 'to let go,'and feel tranquility within and kindness towards yourself and others. When you continue to build strength, inwardly, you build strength within your character. Repeating this practice builds muscle memory and your mind also practices being mindful in the present moment, concentrating, persevering without judgement of yourself, which in turn becomes a habit that appears not only on your yoga mat, but in your outer daily life. Breathing properly, using a fuller lung capacity during your practice can improve your endurance, well-being and overall efficiency of your lung capacity. Furthermore, What you as an individual feel like in a pose is more important than what you look like. We are all biologically different, all have different physical body realities due to our genetics, our overall health, past injuries etc. Where you feel a stretch and how, is entirely unique to you and besides if we wish yoga to create great functionality in our body, then it should be about feeling something that seems to allow some release into your body, wherever that may be for you. As long as you feel safe and stable then that is the right way to hold a pose for you. Just coming to your mat and being aware of your own body and mind and breath that moment is sometimes enough. Learn to listen to your own bodies cues rather then just your teachers. Just as no way of learning suits everyone. No one way of doing yoga suits everyone either. Find 'yourself' on the mat - literally and physically. This is your time. References: Clarke, B. Your Body, Your Yoga. Yinyoga.com

The many benefits of yoga and mindfulness for children when faced with changes and uncertanties in life.

THE MANY BENEFITS OF YOGA FOR CHILDREN TO TEENS Emotional well-being is a key benefit of yoga and mindfulness for children to teens. So what constitutes as emotional well-being? Laevers’ (1994) states that ‘Sound well-being results from satisfaction of basic needs – the need for tenderness and affection; security and clarity; social recognition; to feel competent; physical needs and for meaning in life. It includes; happiness and satisfaction, effective social functioning and the dispositions of optimism, openness, curiosity and resilience’ (The Early Years Framework). How do I feel as a parent, carer, teacher? How you feel radiates out into the world. Children are very sensitive to your emotions. To reach higher consciousness and vibrations within the body is to feel love, joy and peace and be flowing in life. As humans we rely too much on external factors for happiness. If we do this, then ultimately sadness is the opposite and we live in ‘duality’ of the two. A conscious person uses ‘awareness and response’ and not ego and reaction. Teaching ourselves and our children to think before they speak and act, is vitally important. Buddhist wisdom tells us to (and same concepts can be seen in other religions) ‘elicit action-based on awareness in everything we do’ (Thich Nhat Hanh, Vietnam). With the potential of gaining greater awareness of our inner-self and a mindful attitude, we can evolve into more caring, thoughtful, open- hearted educators and parents. What the research says: The World Happiness Report supports the concepts of happiness and well-being as an important pathway toward greater sustainable development. The 2015 report included writings by Dr. Richard Davidson and Brianna Schulyer, who presented on the neuroscience of happiness. The report described how well-being is a skill that can be cultivated and trained. It defined well-being in terms of four qualities or characteristics: 1) Sustained positive emotion 2) Resilience 3) Empathy, altruism and pro-social behaviour (also known as generosity) 4) Mindful attention (https://www.mindful.org/author/carley-hauck/) Emotional Well-being is a key component of Outcome 3 in the Early Learning Framework for Australia. Well-being starts with our basic needs being met of food and shelter. Then a secure bond with one or more adults is to be formed with tenderness and care, along with an on-going sense of security and social involvement and recognition. Further to that is; building meaning in one’s life, a purpose and a sense of satisfaction in pursuits. Yoga helps children to regulate their feelings as they grow. Yoga teachers, educators and parents of young children, should be open to all the feelings a child expresses as they mature, even negative ones like; anger, frustration, envy and greed, because these are all normal responses to situations and need to be expressed within safe boundaries. Yoga allows for this and supports children to express these feelings in appropriate ways by teaching them the skills of mindfulness. Calm down strategies are regularly practiced in yoga, one being; breathing fully and mindfully. One example is; counting in one and out two and with emphasis on extending the exhale to stimulate the sympathetic nervous system which supports self- regulation. Feeling their stomach rise and fall like a balloon is a helpful way to teach the process. Teach these techniques to children whilst the child is calm in a yoga session, so they can then store that knowledge away to use again when needed. Mindfulness of emotions can include; being aware of the impact our emotions can have on ourselves and others. Breath awareness can be followed by mindfulness practice; being aware of our surroundings and ‘living’ in the present moment. It can be used to reduce anxiety by using the techniques of ‘still awareness’, involving taking note of what we hear, smell, see, in order to bring us back to the present moment. Kabat-Zinn advocates for mindfulness for coping with stress and anxiety and even pain and illness (America Professor of Medicine and founder of the Centre for Mindfulness in Medicine). Mindfulness can serve to remind ourselves that we should be grateful for being here and make it a real presence of mind experience and trust this is where we ought to be in our journey, no matter what the challenges may be. When challenges arise in society, something called ‘spaciousness of awareness’ can be practiced, where we practice compassion for a fellow humans and we open our awareness to the wider community, supporting each other in times of need and recognise we are all connected in some way in this world. We can practice these abilities through ‘loving-kindness’ meditations with children, that can assist them in visualising sending out compassion to others and directing compassion to themselves to gain inner strength. Mindfulness and resilience building activities to help. Living in the present moment by; Noticing beauty around us in nature. Noticing contented happy moments in life. Deeply listening to someone talking and paying attention to them. Being mindful of our thoughts and feelings before we act. Do a random act of kindness. Spend quality time with friends, family, pets. Hobbies out in nature. Listening to favourite music, dancing. Benefits of children’s yoga 1. Yoga encourages good posture for the skeletal system and flexibility, agility and strength for young growing bodies. 2. Yoga increases oxygen to the brain which supports learning and concentration. Yoga ignites children’s imaginations, creativity and self- expression. 3. The nervous system and the endocrine system are ignited and work together. Calming of the nervous system with breathing out and asanas takes place as the heart rate slows down and cortisol level and activating calming hormones, such as serotonin. WHAT NEUROTRANSMITTERS ARE AFFECTED BY YOGA? YOGA BOOSTS LEVELS OF THE FEEL-GOOD BRAIN CHEMICALS LIKE GABBA, SEROTONIN AND DOPAMINE. 4. In our fast- paced world yoga assists children to calm their thoughts, centre themselves for learning and learn how to be ‘still’ for a moment. Preschool age children are showing signs of stress and anxiety in Western countries. 5. Yoga teaches children how to care for their bodies, body awareness and self-regulation through mindfulness and relaxation. 6. The joy of movement, music, games and socialisation can all be experienced during a yoga session with children. There is no competition in yoga, therefore children who don’t like competitive sports will thrive. 7. Yoga teaches perseverance and confidence in their own abilities. 8. Yoga helps with self-regulation, self- discipline and self-expression. Feedback from parent: ‘11 yr. old with some anxiety and low confidence has improved over the year personally with yoga. She visible has more confidence on taking on new tasks, enjoying school and new sports. She tells parents that yoga helps her cope with school.’ Ideas for the whole family to reduce stress: regular physical exercise: walking, jogging and yoga postures. Daily mindfulness/ meditation practice. For example; a 10 minute breathing exercise. There are many good apps. available to guide you. If distracted - simply label the emotion/thought, then return to the focus of your breath. For fidgety children you can use a weighted toy, fidget toy or eye pillow/soft toy to have on stomach to relax the senses further as they lie or sit down and breath mindfully. Benefits for children with special needs. Children can benefit from doing something different that a typically developing child can do and experience success. Teaching family classes can also help with siblings and parents to see the child succeeding and to increase bonds. FOR CHILDREN WITH ASD’S AND ADHD/ADD.  Increases attention span, regulate emotions and teaches stress management skills and respond to sensory stimuli in a more positive manner.  Supports better sleep patterns over time.  Increased oxygen to the brain which supports learning and concentration.  Autism and physical disabilities: Improves strength and tone in muscles for those with low muscle tone. Develops balance and increases body awareness.  Energy released in a non- competitive form of exercise.  Builds their self-esteem. Making them aware of their strengths. Adjusting view to: I HAVE, I AM, I CAN. Then add three strong external factors for support.  Personal achievements and accomplishments are rewarded, a sense of belonging and connectedness, and autonomy and personal agency is increased. (Yoga for Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder by Dion E. Betts).

How yoga affects neurotransmitters and vagal tone.

• WHAT NEUROTRANSMITTERS ARE AFFECTED BY YOGA? Serotonin, Gabba and Dopamine. What is the significance of the vagus nerve in yoga? ‘The vagus nerve extends from the brainstem down into stomach and intestines, enervating your heart and lungs, and connecting your throat and facial muscles. Therefore, any yoga practices that stimulate these areas of the body can have a profound influence on the tone of the vagus nerve. ‘ ‘The vagus nerve, the longest of the cranial nerves, controls your inner nerve centre – the parasympathetic nervous system and overseas other motor and sensory impulses to every organ in your body.’ (Oct 15, 2019, www.metalfloss.com). ‘Healthy vagal tone can be thought of as an optimal balance of parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous system actions that allow you to respond with resilience to the ups and downs of life. ‘ Vagal tone is measured in changes in the heart rate (drarielschwatz.com. Vagus Nerve Yoga- Dr Arielle Schwartz.) Vagal tone can be thought of as a balance between the two nervous systems mentioned. Conscious breathing- focus on exhale enhances vagal tone. Half smile meditation- influences vagal tone. Open your heart stretches. Cat, cow to wake up and release the belly. Self- compassion or Loving kindness meditation. Yogamotorskills.com

Yoga for kids. Traditional English story: Twas the night before xmas.

Twas the night before Xmas ((Kids yoga sequence). Introduction: Discuss words, “joy” and “peace” and what it means. Place wooden letters out spelling words together. With a pretend candle breathe in and then blow out together. Begin story and acting out with yoga poses. ‘‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house (Anjali Mudrâ) not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse (Child’s pose). The stockings were hung with care (Tree pose) in hopes that Santa soon would be there. The children were nestled all snug in their beds (Inverted table top) (Rock and roll pose). When out on the lawn arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed (mountain pose) to see what was the matter (Boat pose to standing). Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutter, and threw up the sash (Dancer pose). Then what to my wonder did I see but a miniature sleigh (Bow pose) and eight tiny reindeer (dancing Ganesha). With a little old driver, I knew it was Santa. Then his reindeers they came and he whistled and shouted and called them by name. “Now ‘Dancer’ (Dancer pose), Prancer and Vixen (downward dog) To the top of the wall, now dash away, dash away, dash away all!” (Donkey kicks). To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall, now dash away dash away, dash away all! (Warrior poses). As dry leaves flew to the sky (Extended bird pose). So up to the housetop the reindeer they flew with a sleigh full of toys - and Santa, too. (Warrior 3). And then in a flash Santa came down to the roof with a bundle of toys from a pack on his back. He has a little round belly that shock when he laughed. He filled all the stockings for the good girls and boys (Extended side ankle pose). Stocking- shoulder stand. With a wink of his eye (Gyan Mudra and around eyes). He then sprang to his sleigh (Boat pose). I heard him exclaim as the reindeers flew high (Locust pose) to (Hero pose). But I heard him exclaim, ere they drove out of sight, “Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night””(Easy sitting pose). End will a peaceful mantra of loving kindness to all those around us and for ourselves. “May you be peaceful, may you be kind” and “may I be peaceful, may I be kind”. Tracey Maclay Yogamotorskills.com

self regulation, emotional well-being in young children.

Emotional well-being in children. What is emotional well-being? Laevers’ (1994) states that ‘Sound well-being results from satisfaction of basic needs – the need for tenderness and affection; security and clarity; social recognition; to feel competent; physical needs and for meaning in life. It includes; happiness and satisfaction, effective social functioning and the dispositions of optimism, openness, curiosity and resilience.’ How do I feel as a parent, carer, teacher? How you feel radiates out into the world. Children are very sensitive to your emotions. To reach higher consciousness and vibrations within the body is to feel love, joy and peace and be flowing in life. As humans we rely too much on external factors for happiness. If we do this, then ultimately sadness is the opposite and we live in ‘duality’ of the two. A conscious person uses ‘awareness and response’ and not ego and reaction. Teaching ourselves and our children to think before they speak and act is vitally important. In addition, we need to not blame others for our circumstances and choices we have made in our life and teach ourselves and our children ‘ownership’ of behaviour. Buddhist wisdom tells us that (same concepts can be seen in other religions) to ‘elicit action-based on awareness in everything we do’ (Thich Nhat Hanh, Vietnam). Hence, with the potential of gaining greater awareness of our inner-self and a mindful attitude; we can evolve into more caring, thoughtful, open- hearted educators and parents. The World Happiness Report supports the concepts of happiness and well-being as an important pathway toward greater sustainable development. The 2015 report included writings by Dr. Richard Davidson and Brianna Schulyer who presented on the neuroscience of happiness. They described how well-being is a skill that can be cultivated and trained. They defined well-being in terms of four qualities or characteristics: 1) Sustained positive emotion 2) Resilience 3) Empathy, altruism and pro-social behaviour (also known as generosity) 4) Mindful attention https://www.mindful.org/author/carley-hauck/ Emotional well-being is a key component of Outcome 3 in the Early Years Learning Framework for Australia. Well-being starts with meeting our basic need of food and shelter. Followed by building a secure bond with one or more adults formed with tenderness and care, along with an on-going sense of security and social involvement and recognition. Further to that, building meaning in one’s life, which includes: contentment; optimism; curiosity and resilience (Laevers’ 1994, The Early Years Framework.) Apart from forming strong attachments to a significant other in their life, infants need a safe, supportive environment to thrive. One which offers exploration within safe boundaries. Responding to the infants, toddlers and pre-schoolers needs promptly means the child will learn accurate expressions to get their needs satisfied and this builds positive emotional well-being. (See the 'circle of security' for more information). Yoga and mindfulness techniques for example: role modeling breathing activities gove children a tool to regulate their feelings as they grow and supports resilience. Furthetmore, teachers and educators of young children should be open to all the feelings a child expresses, even negative ones; like anger, frustration, envy and greed, as these are all normal responses to situations and need to be expressed within safe boundaries. It is our job to help them express these feelings appropriately as they get grow. Calm down strategies are regularly practiced in yoga, one being; breathing fully and mindfully, counting in 1,2,3 breathing in through the nose and out 1,2,3,4 (from the mouth). Encourage childten to extend the exhale to stimulate the sympathetic nervous system which supports self- regulation. To begin with, teach these techniques to children whilst the child is calm in free play and yoga, they can then store that knowledge away to use again when needed. With these techniques and the instilling of a nuturing and giving heart, children will be better equiped to deal with life's challenges and obstacles that are ultimately unavoidable and stressful, but can reinforce resilience with the right mind-set.