Think about, how well does distraction work for you? What are the favourite activities you turn to for distraction, and do you move on from them feeling more or less relaxed, and more or less connected with life?
Try instead as a parent to Put a label on the emotion you are feeling in a situation. Role model this to children.
Tell your children when you are feeling these emotions so they do not automatically follow any negative emotions and take on your negative emotions as their own, as can often happen with sensitive children.
You can easily make assumptions about the feelings of others by wrongly reading their facial expressions. Try to be present when talking to people and think about what might be going on for them, rather than assuming you know how their feeling or why they may be behaving in a certain way.
Bring curiosity to your emotions and observe them, rather than reacting before thinking and observing what is truly going on for you and where it may be coming from. Do you feel threatened in a situation? I don't mean physically, but personally, emotionally. Once you have taken the time to process the situation, then you can react from a less agitated state ( which we have learnt to use to protect ourselves from threats in bygone days as a human race). Acting more calmly in discussions and situations with your children can improve your relationships, as others will react less defensively and your children may actually listen. Ask yourself: 'do you want peace of mind or conflict?'
Think about your family as you grew up. How did they deal with conflict? Were they able to express their emotions?
Life will always be filled with challenges, highs and lows. We need to look at them with a different perspective and mindfulness can help. By being in the present moment and not dwelling on the time that has passed or worrying about the future, we can then allow Our minds to accept what has happened and not respond in repetitive ways that we have learnt.
We can get stuck in 'automatic pilot mode' and react to situations the same way every time, never trying anything different and we distract our minds from being present with alcohol, technology, food, work, whatever works to take our mind away from how we really feel in the present moment.
Mindfulness and meditation works over time because our brains actually start to change and the hardwiring of our nervous systems takes on the process of mindfulness as a new system to tap into.
Often people get into a negative loop of thinking that just goes around and around and nothing that they change around them will fix this way of thinking that they are set in. They can move house, change jobs, change cities, change relationships and still the negative loop of their thinking continues. There brains have become hard wired to think this way and they can blame the world And people around them for the way their life is, rather than looking inward to themselves and the part they have played.
This causes people to act impulsively and their life becomes a circus of ever-changing acts and taking risks to find more happiness. Until people find contentment within themselves through counselling or the above techniques old patterns will be hard to break.
Find greater courage, clarity and insight within yourself through daily mindfulness sessions or up to 20 minutes of meditation each day or week. Whatever you can fit in will benefit. What have you got to loose?
If your mind keeps turning over thoughts then that is normal. The point is to recognise and observe those thoughts. Do they have a repetitive theme? Can you re-direct your mind back to a point of focus, your breath moving in and out of your nose or mouth, a candle flame, a part of your body, as you scan down and label each part of your body whilst listening to a yoga nidra recording.
Try some mindful stretching:
Connecting to your body through movement and sensations is all part of mindfulness.
It brings calm and emotional balance as you shift your focus to being in the present moment and observing how your body feels.
Try a body scan meditation:
Move down your body with your breath from the top of your head down to your toes, thinking of each body part softening down as you breath. Notice what feels good in your body and breathe into the spaces that may have some soreness or tension. Softening down these body parts with each breath.
Reference: mindfulness for mums and dads by dr. Diana korevaar. Murdock books. London. 2017.
No comments:
Post a Comment