Cont: Parenting and related Buddhist teaching, includes natural therapies.

Contents page:  Encompasses these topics throughout age group chapters.

1. Buddhism
   Based on action from awareness and driven by compassion.
2. Yoga
3. Crystals
4. Music therapy
5. Art therapy
6. Metaphysical healing
7. Visualisation and meditation
8. Finding Mindfulness in the mundane
9. Universal laws.

 

Chapter 1:  1 month to 2yrs.

Chapter 2:   2yrs to 6yrs.

Chapter 3:  6-12yrs

Chapter 4: 7-12yrs

Chapter 5: 8-14yrs

Chapter 6: 14-21 yrs.

Chapter 1:

As children take their first breathe in the world, they try with all their might, then they let out a whimper and cry. From that day on until their first trauma or scary situation or stress, children breathe full breathes.  When I took my first full breath as a stressed out, overworked, separated mother of three who nearly lost her life in a car accident, I cried too.  Then as I went through the motions of creating a less stressful happy life for myself and my children, I slowly began to see (after hitting a few pitfalls) that I hadn’t been breathing properly or living fully for a very long time, as the person I was born to be or felt that I was deep inside.  I also hadn’t been there fully for my family. 

Babyhood: Child development theory.  Learning through their senses.  Sensory motor : Sensory motor stage- birth to 2yrs.  Recognises self as agent of action and begins to act intentionally: eg. pulls a string to make a mobile move. (Piaget).

 

Theory behind this task:  Attachment theory:  Psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Bowlby (1980).  In short found in her studies that; ‘if we don’t get enough love and attach ourselves to a primary caregiver (who meeds our survival needs) then it’s harder later to give out love.’  The distress felt by not having these needs met can cause mental health issues if sustained.  These are innate behaviours of infants and young children that have evolved over human kind.  Once these basic needs are met then children can go on to be more resilient with continued positive feelings.

Related Buddhist theory: Avairsvarya, attachment.

Help children to regulate their feelings at this age.  Help them deal with failures (there part of life) and praise directly and specifically their successes and positive behaviours.

Help them work through their difficult behaviours: Refer to tool-box of ideas for this age group:  Label feelings, breathe, work at solving problem together.  Review how that went if it starts to happen again and repeat, pointing out how the strategy worked before.  Later do some yoga. Hold a crystal together and make affirmations.  Use aromatherapy.  Massage.  Relaxation or meditation CD.

Tell them “you love them, but just not their behaviour.”  Forgive yourself if you get it wrong and say sorry when you have to.  Effective Social functioning:  can result from a connection with someone in a positive way takes place.  We know how to regulate our own feelings.  We can relate these feelings to others (including all living creatures) and better understand them and feel empathy.

 

(References: Bowlby.J. (1980). Attachment and Loss Vol 1,2 and 3. New York: Basic Books.)

 

Depression and anxiety

Depression and anxiety are debilitating and potentially serious illnesses that can affect anyone, any time.  More than 3 million Australians live with anxiety and depression.  Medical treatments only going part the way in helping to cope with these illnesses and you can’t just phone a friend and bring yourself out of (although social isolation can play a part.) I know as I’ve been there and it runs in my family.  Each child brought on post natal depression for me up to one year sometimes from the birth of my child, but as I was aware of it I could take steps to help myself. 

Some of those were: do some form of exercise as often as possible.  I liked to go for walks, do pilates and yoga. Some yoga studios offer mums and bubs classes or you can hire DVDs on the same.  Use aromatherapy to calm yourself and your baby.  For example; put a drop of Lavender on your shoulder and rock the baby to sleep as they rest on your shoulder. 

Nothing lasts. Everything is impermanent. (Buddhism). The moment will pass, the 'stage' your child is in will pass. Keep an open mind and treat our children with kindness and compassion and consistency they are more likely to develop internal control. The moods we feel in different times in parenthood will also pass. We can think negative feelings can last forever when we are depressed at times as a parent, we can 'catastrophize' our moment, our troubles (eg. Make a mountain out of a mould hill, become a drama queen), rather than seeing it as a time to learn and suffering can help us move forward to higher ground.

Chapter 2:  2yrs to 6yrs:

Autonomy vs self-doubt:  is about learning to become independent in a safe and encouraging environment.  If you allow children to make choices where they can be made, allow them to try to do things for themselves before jumping in and letting them take considered risks in a safe way, then they will grow to have a better self-esteem and ‘I can do it’ attitude.  They can also learn to take considered risks, be independent and not be easily led.  (Autonomy vs self-doubt- Piaget). 

 

Egocentrism:  Child development theory.  A term coined by Piaget (1976) whom was a biologist.  His views have been enormously influencial in educational theory.  Egocentrism is important for parents to understand as it can explain some reactions that children have that the everyday parent cannot see any reason behind.  Egocentrism is when children belief, “I am the centre of my universe” and everything should revolve around them.  This is evident at this stage of a child’s development and doesn’t mean they will end up self- centred, egotistical tyrants.  They just have an inability at this stage to sometimes see the world as someone else does and adapt to it.  Not moral ‘selfishness’ but just an early stage of psychological development. 

 

Pre-operational stage:  2-7yrs.  Learns to use language and to represent objects by images and words.  Children at this age may find trouble finding words to express their emotions.  It is our role to help them.  (Atherton, J.S (2013) Learning and Teaching: Piaget’s development theory (on-line: UK) retrieved 5 Feb, 2015 from http://www.learning and teachinginfo/learning/piaget.htm).

 

Tell them how proud they should be of themselves, not just for altruistic reasons but for themselves.  This can assist them in building intrinsic motivation, which means they will more likely do things for themselves and to make themselves feel happy rather than trying to please others or always get a reward.  This can encourage later goal setting and a love of learning later at school, as they learn how to be curious about the world and take part in it energetically and feel their own sense of control over their environment.  (Bruner, 1962).

Related Buddhist teachings:

According to yoga there are eight bhavas, or states of the intellect (buddhi).  The first one is: Dharma: self-directed discipline.

 

 

 How Buddhism can help with your parenting:

Buddhism is something anybody, anywhere from any background can practice at any time of their day.  It is not something only the rich and famous can dabble in or a hocus pocus type of weird culture.  It is just a way of being, feeling and seeing the world.  Have you ever heard the saying, “don’t sweat the small stuff”, well that is the basis of Buddhism.  Bhudda means “awakened one”.  Which brings me too what I cover as part of this chapter, which is dealing with common issues/problems at this stage of development.

2-6yrs of age.

Between 2-6yrs your child is probably at the stage of waking every night, so in actual fact, you are literally the ‘awakened one’. 

Sleeping problems:  Don’t underestimate the power of music to soothe the soul.

 

Crystals:

Children feel a great affinity with nature and crystals are a key element of our natural world.  They can play a role in assisting children in their physical, emotional and spiritual healing.  Crystals are filled with energy and are conduits of energy. They can direct, amplify and accelerate energy patterns.  You can also hold onto certain ones as you make your affirmations for yourself and with your children or for your children.  Crystals for peaceful child sleep:

My son when he was little was drawn to gemstones and crystals and began a collection of them at a young age. Although I wasn’t aware of their healing powers back then (he is now 21yrs old), but I noticed the natural gravitation he had towards them and encouraged it.

Gemstones and crystals have been used for more than 5,000 years in China, India and other ancient cultures.  As a parent you can research different gemstones and crystals which can specially support children with various issues and challenges.  Note which ones your child is naturally drawn too.  Charoite and Amber- aids with insominia and difficulty settling into sleep. ( Note: never leave a crystal in a young child’s bed due to possibility of choking hazard.  Put it somewhere nearby but out of reach).

 

Aromatherapy:

Lavender is a good choice for relaxation.  However, not a good choice if your child suffers from hay-fever as lavender could irritate their sinuses.  Roman chamomile is a good choice for small children.  It is best to add the essential oils to a tissue and rest it nearby or use a scented eye pillow.  You can also use them in the bath before bed.  (Note: be sure to keep the bottles of essential oils away from the children). 

 

 Calm parenting and consistency at bed-time.  Consistency in bedtime rituals, where possible, is very important at this stage.  For example we always strived for, ‘bath, bed, story then sleep every night when our children were this age. 

Babies and children can have music on to soothe them to sleep (we all know this) but did you know what it actually does?  Relaxing music reduces the activity of the nervous system resulting in decreased heart rate, slower breathing and lower blood pressure much like a state of meditation.  Music can be a great, ‘sleep medicine’ for you and your child at any age (Retrieved 2015 www.Time For wellness.org,  Original article care of Benjamin Brown, ND. C2014. ). 

 

 

Meditate: Meditation can also be called; contemplation, prayer, even if it is only on the toilet or doing the dishes in silence.  This is your quiet to time to focus your breath and go deeper into your own silence.  This time helps me to deal with the hectic external world.  To look within yourself to find your own answers to the questions you have.  Within you and in silence you can visit your true self.  It is really not that hard, complex or strange once you start for just a couple of minutes a day.  You will feel calm, focused and I promise you, everyone around you will benefit too. 

Related universal laws:  Allow truth within yourself, to heal yourself.  The divine within you know how to heal.  As human beings we have free will, ask for help through prayer (meditation) if needed and then trust that you will receive it by the act of asking. 

 

7-12yrs child.

 

Setting affirmations for yourself and with your child:

Affirmations are part of the process of setting goals in your life and achieving those goals.  It focuses your mind on what is really important to you.  The affirmations can relate to your mind, body, spirit.  As a parent, carer you can help children to set affirmations for peace and calm in their lives or to achieve goals.  Put them in a diary or on the fridge and re-visit them each day and evaluate them regularly.  For a child who is less than confident they can work wonders.  Children can practice them in the mirror each morning.  To help write these affirmations there are many self -help and self- development websites that can help.  Do away with your negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations.  Use visualisation techniques to help you along the way.  See yourself as the person you want to become, doing the job role that you’d love to have, talking in front of a group with confidence, passing that driving test.  Several studies have been carried out in America finding that setting positive affirmations assisted in a decrease in depressive symptoms and negative thing. (Mind Tools, Essential Skills for an excellent career, Mind Tools Ltd, 1996-2015). There is a saying that, “you can only reach as high as the hole in the bucket.  If you have a hole that needs filling to reach a full bucket and fulfilment in life then look within yourself and ask, “do I have the skill set to go where I want to go?”  “Do I have the right intentions?” (morally and spiritually) then send out the positive intentions to the universe both physically and mentally.

 

 

Chakras: The energy lines that run through the centre of our bodies.  If there is a blockage in any one of the 7 chakras then our energy flow is inhibited in this area.  Research chakras and use crystals placed over specific Chakra areas to increase healing within this area.  For example; when meditating; Amethyst placed over the Third Eye area can enable a much greater connection with higher awareness and communication. 

 

Meditation and the Chakras:  To reach your higher purpose and to help your children to do the same; meditate through your crown chakra (location: Top of the head, Colour: white, Crystal: Clear Quartz).  Yoga assists the Chakras to open and balance.  We can then go about healing ourselves through our chakras.

Poses to open the crown chakra:  Savasana, half lotus, headstand (Headstand, not appropriate for children; donkey kicks is a good alternative or dolphin pose) Adults can practice only if an experienced yogi and will doctor clearance and an experienced instructor/guru.

Chants to open the crown chakra: NG.

The experience of mindfulness is one of clear alertness and will bring inner peace, which will be felt by your children who will then internalise it themselves. 

The one, two, three of why children at this stage or any of the following, act inappropriately:

1.  Consistency is not part of their world.
2. Expectations for the child are not age-appropriate
3. There basic needs are not being met.
    
   Chakras: The energy lines that run through the centre of our bodies.  If there is a blockage in any one of the 7 chakras then our energy flow is inhibited in this area.  Research chakras and use crystals placed over specific Chakra areas to increase healing within this area.  For example; when meditating; Amethyst placed over the Third Eye area can enable a much greater connection with higher awareness and communication. 
    
   Practice mindfulness (focusing on the present moment): as you go for a walk, do mundane chores.  See the world with a more intense eye, notice it’s natural beauty.  Look at the world as if you were an artist and study the shapes, patterns and colours of the natural world around you.  Listen to the wind, the birds, your footsteps.  Take notice of your feelings, thoughts and bodily sensations throughout the day.  When playing or listening to your children, tune out from everything else and just ‘be there’.  Be conscious of your wandering thoughts and distractions and be the best listener you can be. 
   Empathetic listening will create a calmer, more warm environment. 
    
    
   Common issues at this stage of development:
    
   Dealing with fussy eaters (children) and eating for your own health.
   Consider vata, pita, Kapha types in Buddhism. These are mind-body types. For children offer some choices, cook together.  The ‘doshas’ in Buddhism express particular patterns of energy and unique blends of physical, emotional and mental characteristics.  In Ayurveda, health is defined as the dynamic state of balance between mind, body and environment.  Researching your child’s predominant mind-body types and considering an eating plan for them and yourself can fuel your body and mind more efficiently.  For example: I’m predominantly a ‘Vita’ type so I am prone to worrying and my digestion is affected by this, so I have to be careful of avoiding gastric reflux and stomach upsets.  I use diet, meditation, focus on my breathing and chakras and yoga to help with these tendencies.  I have high emotions as a ‘vita’ type and I sometimes need a longer ‘savasana’ relaxation time at the end of yoga.   Patanjali wrote: yoga is the setting of the mind into silence.  When the mind has settled, we are established in our essential nature, which is unbounded consciousness. 
    
   How universal laws can help:  As we learn to accept ourselves as we are, we can better except our children as they are without judgement.  I used to say to my children at this stage (and still do), what I read once, “I love you, but not your behaviour”. 
   Autonomy vs self-doubt:
    
   How do I feel as a parent, carer, teacher?  How you feel radiates out into the world.  Children are very sensitive to your emotions.  To reach higher consciousness and vibrations within the body is to feel love, joy and peace in life and be flowing in life.  As humans we rely too much on external factors for happiness.  If we do this then ultimately sadness is the opposite and we live in ‘duality’ of the two.  A conscious person uses ‘awareness and response’ and not ego and reaction.  Teaching ourselves and our children to think before they speak and act is vitally important.  In addition to this we need to not blame others for our circumstances and choices we have made in our life and teach children ownership’ of their behaviour. 
    
   Karma: Raising our consciousness avoids negative Karma. 
    
   Possible reasons behind these behaviours:
   Angry and destructive behaviour:  Children don’t act up to make you angry, they do so because of the way they feel.  Getting to the root of the problem always makes a difference.  One of the Buddhist believes is that of skilful action:  Pali Kulsala.  Skillful action has a moral and technical element.  Unskilful or inappropriate action comes from suffering.  If we look deeper into the reasoning for our children’s behaviour then we can remain calm and choose a response.  Compassion and wisdom lie at the heart of Buddhist teachings and the opposite is ‘idiot compassion’, compassion without wisdom.
   How to help:
   Doshis and diet.
    It maybe that the child is a ‘pitta’ type in their doshi and needs nourishment to cool the fire in their belly. 
   Aromotherapy
   Roman chamomile can help with soothing tantrums (Use sparingly if pregnant or breastfeeding).
    
    
   Fighting siblings, tantrums
   “I have a problem and I don’t know how to express it”  Lack of language ability.  Help them to label their feeling.  “I am angry because he took my truck”, when able to use a small sentence.  Or say, “‘show me’ what’s the matter?”
   Children have a faster breathing rate per minute.  For children two to five year olds it is 20-30 breaths per minute.  Encourage them to slow their breath down but don’t expect it to be as slow as yours. Ask your child to slow down their breathing when stressed and help count it out for them at a rate they can keep up with.  As a last resort use consistent consequences that relate to the behaviour, for example; turn off the TV if they are fighting over what to watch.
    
   Yoga for the 2-5yr olds.
   Using breathing rate above.
    

Yoga plan for 2-4yr old group..

Blow onto feathers

Games: pot of paint- hand in red.splots. Foot in green. Stripes etc.

Windy trees: freeze in trees: wind person blows trees over.

Caterpillar cocoon: roll up in mat. Come out in butterfly.

 

Action, rest, action.

 

Farmyard yoga.

Props: feather, finger puppet, soft toys, 'Oh Dear' children's book.

 

Shimmy, shimmy warm up.frog puppet and frog jumps.

 

Grandma asks for a big basket of eggs- draw attention to basket( butterfly pose).

Be an egg in a basket, count eggs.

Visit cow- cow pose.

Pig- curly tails leg rotation. Then on back mum does Thia massage leg rotation for

curly tails.

Sheep behind a bush and tree- tree pose - windy trees game.

Sheep- shake your wool fast and slow.

Horse- downward dog with kickbacks.

Dog- downward dog. Then mum downward dog- pat mummy. Mummy has tail, hold tail.

Rabbit, bunny- kneeling lean heads together smell cupped hands in centre. Quick bunny

breathes.

Duck in pond- wAlk with arms flapping.

Chicken- child pose- plant a small egg shape behind child.

 

Fly over to mum in aeroplane, then on a boat- look through mummies legs- open and

close.  On mummies back in aeroplane and crocodile then your turn.

 

Relaxation- bolster for child's head or pillow. Bolster for mum in open butterfly

inverted over inclined bolster. Child has soft toy on belly. Quiet music playing, hum a

nursery rhyme.

Use bell to sit up. Namaste and stamp.

 

Emotional well-being:  What is emotional well-being?

Laevers’ (1994) ‘Sound well-being results from satisfaction of basic needs – the need for tenderness and affection; security and clarity; social recognition; to feel competent; physical needs and for meaning in life.  It includes happiness and satisfaction, effective social functioning and the dispositions of optimism, openness, curiosity and resilience.’

 

Resilience:  is about the ability to deal with and succeed in difficult situations and events.  Resilience is a mix of key skills and characteristics of a person and the social supports and environment in which we live.  A. Fuller (1998) puts it nicely when he says: “Resiliency is the happy knack of being able to bungy jump through the pitfalls of life.”

Affirmations for resilence.

Yoga for resilence.

 

Compliment your children when they are socially competent.

Assist them in problem-solving through life.

Give them Autonomy with safe boundaries.

Tell them that they are the ones who can create their future.

 

Role model: 

Responsiveness to others.

Flexibility.

Empathy/caring.

Communication skills.

Sense of humour’ without sarcasm. 

( From Surviving to thriving, Andrew Fuller, 1998).

 

 

 

 

 

Bibliography:

www.//Mama and Baby Love.  Retrieved 5/2/15.  Healing ourselves so we can nourish and love our families. 

Aromotherapy for Mothers and Babies by Alison England, R.N

 

 

 

Recommended reading:  Crystal Therapy: How to heal and empower your life with crystals, by Doreen Virtue.